A Terrible Poison in Your Marriage

I’ve been struggling to write this post for over a week.

There are several drafts, all incomplete.

I don’t like talking/writing/thinking about this stuff.

But it needs to be done.

So here goes.


Porn is poison.

Prolonged exposure to porn effectively rewires the brain to actually dehumanize living, breathing, daughters of the King.

That is awful.

That is unnatural.

That is depressing.

So, it brings me down to bring the subject up.


Porn is poison.

Repeated exposure desensitizes the body to normal sexual pleasure, causing hurt and confusion in a marriage.

That is awful.

That is unnatural.

That is depressing.

So I don’t want to write about it.

I don’t want to think about it.

But I have to.

Here’s the worst of it:


I have struggled with giving in to porn myself.


I am embarrassed and ashamed.

I imagine friends being shocked.

I imagine family being disappointed, hurt.

I imagine strangers saying, “No kidding! You’re a man, aren’t you? All men in today’s world struggle with pornography!”

I get that.

I am, unfortunately, exactly like most men, particularly my age or younger, who have been exposed more and more to this poison since the introduction of the Internet.

I take no comfort at all in knowing that I’m not alone in this struggle because I know the damage porn can cause to minds and to relationships, and I wouldn’t wish that damage on anyone.

Confession is difficult.

I’ve never felt worse in my whole life than when I was confessing this to my wife.

I remember the look of disappointment and hurt on her face, and I never want to see that look again.

Confession is also freeing.

The weight of guilt and shame is much heavier than you realize until you confess and feel that weight lift off.

Her forgiveness restored my soul.

Here’s the thing: I want to hurry along and gloss this over and let everyone know that it’s been quite a while since the last time I took the poison.

And it has been, thank God.

But I don’t believe I’m immune just because I haven’t given in for a while.

It is poison, but unlike some poisons, immunity cannot be built up.

The only cure is complete avoidance.

And that, too, is difficult.

Because it’s all over the Internet.

Thankfully, there are resources that can help.

OpenDNS offers a way to avoid the poison.

K9 Web Protection and Norton Family (Basic or Premium) offer additional ways.

CovenantEyes not only helps you avoid the poison but actually lets your “doctor” monitor your “health.” (In case I stretched the metaphor too far there, I mean it sends records of your online browsing to an accountability partner).

Sites like FightTheNewDrug.org and XXXChurch.com offer free recovery programs to help conquer the addiction, if it’s become an addiction.

If this resonates with you; you’re not alone.

You can get help.


Seriously, if you’re struggling, get help.

If you need to confess to your wife, confess. It will be painful, but it’s the pain of the needle injecting you with the antidote. You will feel better.

If you need prayer, email me through the contact page.

I will keep it confidential.


1 ping

  1. Ren Buckland

    Great post Davis. Thank you for your honesty and encouragement. No one, man or woman is immune. The temptation is the same. We can develop the will to resist, to avert our eyes. But I keep in mind that I’m just one click away from falling prey if I’m not steadfast in my commitment to purity.

    I think it is a struggle for everyone these days on the Internet. Even non-pornographic web sites have images that can pull us down the wrong path. 2 links off Drudge Report and you can find yourself in the smut. Even if there is no “porn”, there are images you don’t need to see.

    Avoidance is key for me as well. I enjoyed photography magazines but I’ve chosen to give those up because there is sometimes an article or photo shoot of people sans clothing. And whether or not some consider it art, I don’t want a trigger.

    The standard I’ve set for myself is “Would I want my kids to see this?” If not, then I probably don’t need to see it either. (Should that go for TV also? Dang it Walking Dead!)

    I’ve got some album cover art in iTunes that I need to get rid of also. Selena, Ellie & Ariana, put some cloths on like Taylor!

  2. Becky Peterson

    Thank you for sharing this. I am coming out of a marriage, where porn was a huge player. No, not the reason, but it certainly didnt help anything.

    Just came to you through Jeff Goins webinar. Ill follow you.

  1. We Were Just Talking About This - Dads Against Divorce

    […] « A Terrible Poison in Your Marriage […]

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